Evolution? Revolution? Inspiration?

Life's changing. Sometimes in the imperceptible. But doesn't the verb "change" imply an inevitability? Is Life changing forcibly through conscious decisions or is Life changing regardless?

Some things'll never change
That's just the way it is
Ahh.. but don't you believe them.
- Bruce Hornsby | The Way It Is
(This is the song that's constantly sampled in hip-hop music nowadays, famously in 2Pac's Changes)

Mixed message at best, I'd say.

So, I've been working like a dog these past few days. Yesterday was the harshest. However, I discovered that yesterday was a hard day on everybody at work so I tried my best not to bitch and moan about it because... well, frankly it seemed unfair to compound everybody's problems by bitching more. Anyway, yesterday was harsh and today was kinda harsh in a continuing epic sort of way. I was thinking about it yesterday while I was working at night, after hearing about everybody else's harshness, that each one of those people have someone to go home to at the end of the night. They each live with their significant others. They're going to go home and complain and their significant other's going to listen to them patiently (ok... two of them are each other's significant other so that'll be a little different), nod, smile, reassure them, offer to do something sweet or kind or interesting or calming and life'll begin to look better. (Alright, fine. that's best case scenario. When you're sitting there working like a dog, you tend to think in extremes. Fuckin' sue me.) I just couldn't help but think "Gee, I wish I had someone to go home to." It was one of those errant stray thoughts that people have all the time. "Gee, I wish I had more money." "Gee, I wish I saw that movie." "Gee, I wish I had Japanese food for dinner." But it hung on in the inner-bowels of my head like a fucking barnacle. Just wouldn't let go. Bugged me for a good hour. I dunno why exactly either. Just did.

I may be numberless. / I may be innocent. / I may know many things. / I may be ignorant. / Or I could ride with kings / and conquer many lands. / Or win this world at cards / and let it slip my hands. / I could be cannon food, / destroyed a thousand times. / Reborn as fortune's child, / to judge another's crimes. / Or wear this pilgrim's cloak. / Or be a common thief. / I keep this single faith, / I have but one belief: /
I still love you.
- Sting | A Thousand Years
[sorry. my iTunes is on shuffle and the song changed while I was typing. Seemed oddly appropriate.]

So, I was pondering this today after work (working on Saturday's not normal for me) when my parents called me. My mom told me that at her company, her boss left last week (like.. huge news! As long as I can remember, my mom's had stories about her interactions with her boss. They've been colleagues/boss-subordinate for a crazy long time) and that there's a huge exodus of people leaving Synnex. She mentioned people down the line and I jokingly asked her if she was one of the people (my extended family and me have believed that my parents should retire for a long time now. My mom's been trying to retire and tells us every year she will but hasn't yet. My dad's adamant about not retiring but last year confided in me that the reason why is because he's afraid that without a steady income, the family [immediate and extended] will go broke and that he really does wanna retire) and she jokingly said she would consider it. I think, in all honesty, that this could stick this time. I hope so, anyway. They work themselves to death. My dad's news was that my cousin's engaged. They got engaged last night and called to tell family today. I called my cousin to congratulate him afterward and he told me he's looking at a June or July wedding. Which is ridiculously quick. After I hung up I realized that instantly, the lives of my family probably has changed. My cousin's getting married and my parents (well, probably my mom) are going to retire. I also realized that life's moving. Fast. And I may or may not be a part of life moving.

If miracles are only
A matter of believing
I can't help wondering
Who those miracles are for?
- Bob Carlisle | Somewhere

So, ultimately, what does this mean for me? Where is life headed for me? What am I doing with my life? Do I have an, as yet, undecided purpose? Am I still searching for some kind of meaning, ultimate or otherwise?

So, for probably the fiftieth time in the last week, I find myself wishing I understood life.